decided that my days of travel overseas should end. No more getting up
early to the Airport at some ungodly hour to arrive two hours before the
flight even though you have spent many hours the previous day trying to
book a seat and print your boarding pass.
At the Airport you are greeted with the sight of almost the entire
country milling around either in a lost way looking for the correct
check in desk or trying to find some place to start enjoying their
holiday with a meal or at least a drink.
You queue up at the check in desk even though you have your Boarding
Pass. Stand in front of a lady who looks down on you and asks you if you
have packed your own bag (who else would) and has anyone asked you to
carry anything (not at the prices they charge for excess baggage).
Your bags disappear and you are dismissed after being told to watch the
Screen for Boarding details. What can we do now? is there anything to
do?
So you join the increasing thong of lost people trying to look pleased
and worry free and hoping that the flight has not been delayed because
the incoming flight had to put down in some unknown Airport to throw off
a drunken Brit who thinks the plane is a theme pub on the island of
Minorca where he had the previous night been allowed to sleep with the
Bar's cat after forgetting where his hotel was.
Having decided that the best place is the one which, you don't yet know,
is as far away as possible from the Gate Number you have to board by,
you decide that perhaps it would be a good thing to try and start the
book which you have brought with you for the holiday.
Wrong!
There is an announcement over the public address system which you are
unable to hear from your present location. OK, with the stern warning
from the check in attendant still ringing in your ears you think might
be important so you decide to move to another spot to enable you to keep
up with the latest news in the Airport.
The game of musical chairs starts. There are no chairs available at the
location you have chosen so you stand up, waiting for the next
announcement.
Then it comes! What is it about? Just a security announcement about left bags.
At last some seats become available and you collapse to regenerate your legs and the will to live.
Another announcement.
This time to tell you that your flight has been delayed for some
undefined period due to 'Operational Problems'. Time to worry! Does that
mean the plane is unfit to travel and needs a new engine or the Pilot
has been delayed by the traffic jam caused by people all trying to get
to the Airport to check in and fly.
Time for a drink and something to eat as you don't know when you will get the next chance.
Just got served and an announcement comes through to advise you that
your flight has been called and you are boarding at Gate Number six
thousand four hundred and eighty.
The trek starts and you realise that you are walking the best part of
half way to where you left from that morning. Eventually you arrive at
the gate where again seating is limited so you stand idle until you are
called by numbers to take your place on the plane.
Then enter you do into the vast tunnel that is the fuselage of the plane
complete with its rows and rows of tiny seats. You enter,or at least
try, and sit down in your designated seat to find that it has been made
to suit the size of a small Pygmy with 60mm legs and no kneecaps. Hip
size is in inverse.proportion to the leg length
Oh well make the most of it as it's only for four hours and you are going on holiday.
Belt in and listen to the nice lady giving her speech about the way she
is going to get out first if the plane crashes whilst we hide our heads
in our knees so we cannot see her go.
Off we go down the runway with the nice lady walking along the isle
gazing at your neither regions to see if you are playing with your
buckle or if you have got a tube of Polos in you hand which might be a
danger to someone and should be put in the overhead locker with the rest
of your hand luggage.
Unfortunately the only place you could find for that was about ten seats
behind you on the opposite side of the plane so she confiscates them
and promises to give them back when you land providing they do not blow
up during the flight.
At last you are off flying through the sky and marvelling that you have
survived the massive g-force speed of take off which impounded such a
strain on your kidneys that you now desperately want to go to the
toilet. Forget it. Announcement from the Boss up front to keep your seat
belt on and stay seated as they are expecting to encounter turbulent
air . I suspect that this is some ploy to save fuel either because
walking towards the back of the plane takes more fuel or flushing the
toilet slows the plane down.
What a fine time to bring the drinks trolley through the plane. All you
can think of is a very stiff drink to take your mind off the need for
the toilet. They even throw a small bag of peanuts onto your tray as a
'Thank you' gesture.
The seat belts sign goes off and you struggle up to go to the toilet
only to find that the way is blocked by another flight attendant coming
along with a trolley and giving the look that she has the right of way
under all circumstances.
No alternative but to sit down again and await your turn to be served
with one of those lovely little trays obviously designed by the same
person who designed the seating. Open the foil and there it is, the same
omelet that you did not eat on your last flight six months before. The
bacon has been renewed because the last piece disintegrated when they
tried to move it to a safe place after the last flight.OK, save it again
for the next time and go straight for the cake which was last seen on
an Iberia flight sixteen years ago.
At last you arrive and depart the plane for the 2 hour walk to Passport Control.
Sour look when you try your language skills on the Official as he waves you through with a quick flurry of his baton.
Oh dear. The luggage turntable has broken down and you again wait with
the other 300 odd people who think they will stand a better chance of
speeding up their departure from the Airport by standing right up close
to the turntable together with trolleys and kids.
But look happy because apart from a two hour ride in a coach you are on
holiday for almost two weeks before you go through all the trauma of
the journey again on the way back home.
Next time BOGNOR REGIS HERE WE COME
This kind of takes you by surprise because at first I thought it said...the name of SOARE..and I used to know a high school friend that went by that name .
ReplyDeleteHer family was from MARSEILLE and she was a top student ...and suddenly, they say, she 's with the mob and and with REMY?
"Gadget."
Like with MANCHIN and GEITNER and it's WASHINGTON?
And they say she's into not only TEXAS but OKLAHOMA and OREGON!
And she 's with CALIFORNIA TEA PARTY which is such a complete joke
because what she's really into is DEFIEESE for whatever it takes...literally.
And it took OSIRIS- HYDRA- PETWOOD for her to sign her life away, which she
did.
And now all I can say in order to prevent her from further damaging herself, is that she , like GER, was spectacular and in every way.
That's sheer mobsters playing on drug addicts or the depressed due to family
tragedies.
How can you tell?
Look at every student they stalked .
Look at every kid's history .
They were " raped" .
It's their ' business".
That 's why these criminals are pros.
And also, I know the bastard in the " CARTER FOUNDATION".
I have no knowledge of this person or her ravings but I am pleased to see someone has visited my pages... intelligent or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteSoarer