MAD MAXINE 1

When I was young before the days when spectacles,false teeth, vitamin supplements, muscle rubs, Viagra and short walks were not necessary to achieve a standard of life whereby you felt that you had had a fulfilling day
I thought I had very fast reactions and superb judgement of distance and space when I was driving.

Sadly those days have gone but it gives me more time to appreciate other people's driving techniques and I have come to some conclusions as to the differences between my young days and .the present

There is a new type of young driver now. They do not have to be young, they certainly cannot be called Boy Racers but they are totally fearless in the face of adversity currently existing on our roads whether urban, country or motorways.

They are the new race of super humans called women drivers.Over the years woman seem to have surpassed the evolution of men and have managed  to adapt their 'multitasking' which they are always talking about to a new level.

Firstly, the fear department. This has been totally repressed and they can drive anything, anywhere, anytime at any speed without even a flicker of the false eyelashes or the displacement of the expensive hairdo.This of course may be due to a new type of glue to hold the eyelashes in place and the fact that the hair is trained each week to last the whole week until the next visit to the Hairdresser.

Next, the ability to reduce the size of the car they are driving to instantaneously enable it to go through any space available even if it it only just over the size of the fly trying to desperately to hang on to the edge of the wing mirror. I believe that this may be connected to the false eyelashes which act in the same way as the whiskers of a cat although I have not been able to find details of the 'reduction button' which are now being incorporated in modern cars by all the manufacturers.

Then reaction time. When I was young, fit and a super Rally driver, I could follow another vehicle leaving a space of about 'that much' depending on the speed the vehicle in front was traveling at. My reactions were such that I could always pull up  (well nearly always) and still leave an inch or so between his bumper and mine even in an emergency. I do realize that brakes are now much more efficient than in my days but the way the MAD MAXINES' drive it can only mean that their reaction times are so pitched that they can still pull up without actually taking their foot off the throttle and still leave time for a rude gesture to the driver in front.
(Maybe I will do another blog on the new different gestures that they have adapted for use on the road)

And lastly, the ability of the MAXINES to change completely from a gentle cuddly female to a raging tyrant in charge of a lethal weapon. Picture the first scene. Arrival at the Railway Station in the BMW 5series driven by hubby. Kiss goodbye and slip into the driving seat. Wave and drive off the station approach very sedately. Hit the road and whoosh change into a commander of a very fast, very comfortable missile. Then all the senses that I have discussed above come into play and remain fully active until it is time to drive up the Station approach road in the evening. Click and she is back to being a normal human who has just experienced a very boring day.
I am beginning to wonder if part of the marriage vows now contain a new clause which necessitate the man to provide his driving wife with the largest, fastest mobile house available on the list of company cars.

The MAXINES are also in league with the Supermarkets. Put a child seat in the car or have a child of up to sixteen year and you can park in the most convenient car park spaces, those marked with the Parent and child parking only, which outnumber the dedicated disabled parking spaces by about five to one.
Another wily ploy by the MAXINE sex. Wait about a year or sooner, have a baby and have privileged parking which has taken years and disablement for me to get.

How do they do it? Perhaps they are the anti-matter that the scientists have been looking for or  is it that they live in a parallel universe.

Whatever it is, I am going to have the sides of my car reinforced because one day one of them is just going to have the eyelash in the wrong location and I might be there.

I would welcome your comments, male or MAD MAXINE, cos  I have lived through adversity before.

(OOOOH WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW??????????? PLEASE IGNORE THE LAST SENTENCE)