I woke up yesterday full of the joys of summer with no more on my mind than to contemplate whether it is better to be at work and feel energetic or to be retired and feel all the aches and pains.
It is very difficult to answer that as both situations have many for and against ticks. So. get on with the life at hand and forget the advantages and disadvantages and make the most of it
NO, some so and so has to come up with some way of upsetting the status quo.
I switch on the TV to get the update on the world at large to find that someone with the idea that persons over the age of sixty five should limit their drinking to an amount which, all added together would be difficult to drown a fly in.
It is suppose to addle your sixty five year old plus mind and turn you into an invisible alcoholic whatever that is.
But then I got to thinking. Yesterday I had a pint of beer and two large glasses of wine. Almost half the weekly allowance done already. Perhaps I should heed the warning.
As you know, I try to lead a healthy life by taking things very easily, taking exercise and eating well..
I do not have a fixed getting up time and I am content to while away the time up to ten thirty watching the woes of the poor 'X-Factor' people on Jeremy Kyle having their few minutes of stardom and making me seem like a thoroughly stable person.
So then the time comes for some serious physical exercise....putting on my socks. I will not detail the moves of this extremely energetic and breathtaking contortion as most of you are fully aware of the intensive labour required by each muscle in the body. throughout this very long exercise.
Then, fully relaxed and hyped up on two cups of coffee I might decided to vacuum the floors which I do not hurry as by the time I have finished the flat a week has passed and it is time to do it again.
If I feel really energetic then there is always the washing up or the cleaning of windows to keep me supple.
I try to restrain from eating red meat more than twice a day and adopt a healthy pattern of not eating too much pasta or other foreign muck.
So perhaps I should take heed of the warning about drink.
Buoyed up by my decision, off I go to the Pub for the normal Wednesday Meeting and on approaching the Bar I ask the normally very friendly very pretty bar staff for a glass of lime and soda. The look I received was as if I was an alien asking for the bus station to get transport to Roswell. The first lady asked to be excused and went and got the other one who, with total disdain, asked me what I would like to drink. I repeated my request and she turned away and went out of the Bar obviously trying to find a dirty glass with chips on the rim. Coming back in with a glass full of a yellowy greeney fluid which I assumed must be lime and soda. The price £12.45. Handing over a twenty pound note she went to the till and threw the change at me.
Now this is unusual treatment and I am sure had nothing to do with the fact that I normally drink bitter and wine. They must have been under a lot of pressure from elsewhere.
Our really delightful Landlord turned up to wish everyone well and to buy us a drink as is his wont. He came to me and I again asked for a lime and soda. I thought he was going to throw a fit. He went red in the face, spluttered and shouted at me saying that if I insisted in drinking that stuff then I should go elsewhere and multiply.
Eventually he calmed down and said that I could drink it there if I had it in a pewter mug or similar opaque material and sat well away from the bar in case what was affecting me was catching.
The alternative was to go to the Pub next door with all those other strange people.
I have never been so lonely!!!!!!!!!!!. But at least I will not suffer from scurvy.
To hell with this latest edict from the medical world, I am going back to my old drinking habits because it's effect cannot be as bad as being sent to Coventry by my friends.
I am now back in the Pub with my drinking habit restored and it is not affecting my mind at all.
I will keep you informed as to my health just to prove that the drink is not affecting my mind.
Bye for now
Fred no sorry soda
Oh I will get my name right for the next time.
Thursday 23 June 2011
Sunday 12 June 2011
The Spinnaker Tower from Old Portsmouth and others
The top Observation Platform taken from Old Portsmouth
The Coming!
Tuesday 7 June 2011
MAD MAXINE 1
When I was young before the days when spectacles,false teeth, vitamin supplements, muscle rubs, Viagra and short walks were not necessary to achieve a standard of life whereby you felt that you had had a fulfilling day
I thought I had very fast reactions and superb judgement of distance and space when I was driving.
Sadly those days have gone but it gives me more time to appreciate other people's driving techniques and I have come to some conclusions as to the differences between my young days and .the present
There is a new type of young driver now. They do not have to be young, they certainly cannot be called Boy Racers but they are totally fearless in the face of adversity currently existing on our roads whether urban, country or motorways.
They are the new race of super humans called women drivers.Over the years woman seem to have surpassed the evolution of men and have managed to adapt their 'multitasking' which they are always talking about to a new level.
Firstly, the fear department. This has been totally repressed and they can drive anything, anywhere, anytime at any speed without even a flicker of the false eyelashes or the displacement of the expensive hairdo.This of course may be due to a new type of glue to hold the eyelashes in place and the fact that the hair is trained each week to last the whole week until the next visit to the Hairdresser.
Next, the ability to reduce the size of the car they are driving to instantaneously enable it to go through any space available even if it it only just over the size of the fly trying to desperately to hang on to the edge of the wing mirror. I believe that this may be connected to the false eyelashes which act in the same way as the whiskers of a cat although I have not been able to find details of the 'reduction button' which are now being incorporated in modern cars by all the manufacturers.
Then reaction time. When I was young, fit and a super Rally driver, I could follow another vehicle leaving a space of about 'that much' depending on the speed the vehicle in front was traveling at. My reactions were such that I could always pull up (well nearly always) and still leave an inch or so between his bumper and mine even in an emergency. I do realize that brakes are now much more efficient than in my days but the way the MAD MAXINES' drive it can only mean that their reaction times are so pitched that they can still pull up without actually taking their foot off the throttle and still leave time for a rude gesture to the driver in front.
(Maybe I will do another blog on the new different gestures that they have adapted for use on the road)
And lastly, the ability of the MAXINES to change completely from a gentle cuddly female to a raging tyrant in charge of a lethal weapon. Picture the first scene. Arrival at the Railway Station in the BMW 5series driven by hubby. Kiss goodbye and slip into the driving seat. Wave and drive off the station approach very sedately. Hit the road and whoosh change into a commander of a very fast, very comfortable missile. Then all the senses that I have discussed above come into play and remain fully active until it is time to drive up the Station approach road in the evening. Click and she is back to being a normal human who has just experienced a very boring day.
I am beginning to wonder if part of the marriage vows now contain a new clause which necessitate the man to provide his driving wife with the largest, fastest mobile house available on the list of company cars.
The MAXINES are also in league with the Supermarkets. Put a child seat in the car or have a child of up to sixteen year and you can park in the most convenient car park spaces, those marked with the Parent and child parking only, which outnumber the dedicated disabled parking spaces by about five to one.
Another wily ploy by the MAXINE sex. Wait about a year or sooner, have a baby and have privileged parking which has taken years and disablement for me to get.
How do they do it? Perhaps they are the anti-matter that the scientists have been looking for or is it that they live in a parallel universe.
Whatever it is, I am going to have the sides of my car reinforced because one day one of them is just going to have the eyelash in the wrong location and I might be there.
I would welcome your comments, male or MAD MAXINE, cos I have lived through adversity before.
(OOOOH WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW??????????? PLEASE IGNORE THE LAST SENTENCE)
I thought I had very fast reactions and superb judgement of distance and space when I was driving.
Sadly those days have gone but it gives me more time to appreciate other people's driving techniques and I have come to some conclusions as to the differences between my young days and .the present
There is a new type of young driver now. They do not have to be young, they certainly cannot be called Boy Racers but they are totally fearless in the face of adversity currently existing on our roads whether urban, country or motorways.
They are the new race of super humans called women drivers.Over the years woman seem to have surpassed the evolution of men and have managed to adapt their 'multitasking' which they are always talking about to a new level.
Firstly, the fear department. This has been totally repressed and they can drive anything, anywhere, anytime at any speed without even a flicker of the false eyelashes or the displacement of the expensive hairdo.This of course may be due to a new type of glue to hold the eyelashes in place and the fact that the hair is trained each week to last the whole week until the next visit to the Hairdresser.
Next, the ability to reduce the size of the car they are driving to instantaneously enable it to go through any space available even if it it only just over the size of the fly trying to desperately to hang on to the edge of the wing mirror. I believe that this may be connected to the false eyelashes which act in the same way as the whiskers of a cat although I have not been able to find details of the 'reduction button' which are now being incorporated in modern cars by all the manufacturers.
Then reaction time. When I was young, fit and a super Rally driver, I could follow another vehicle leaving a space of about 'that much' depending on the speed the vehicle in front was traveling at. My reactions were such that I could always pull up (well nearly always) and still leave an inch or so between his bumper and mine even in an emergency. I do realize that brakes are now much more efficient than in my days but the way the MAD MAXINES' drive it can only mean that their reaction times are so pitched that they can still pull up without actually taking their foot off the throttle and still leave time for a rude gesture to the driver in front.
(Maybe I will do another blog on the new different gestures that they have adapted for use on the road)
And lastly, the ability of the MAXINES to change completely from a gentle cuddly female to a raging tyrant in charge of a lethal weapon. Picture the first scene. Arrival at the Railway Station in the BMW 5series driven by hubby. Kiss goodbye and slip into the driving seat. Wave and drive off the station approach very sedately. Hit the road and whoosh change into a commander of a very fast, very comfortable missile. Then all the senses that I have discussed above come into play and remain fully active until it is time to drive up the Station approach road in the evening. Click and she is back to being a normal human who has just experienced a very boring day.
I am beginning to wonder if part of the marriage vows now contain a new clause which necessitate the man to provide his driving wife with the largest, fastest mobile house available on the list of company cars.
The MAXINES are also in league with the Supermarkets. Put a child seat in the car or have a child of up to sixteen year and you can park in the most convenient car park spaces, those marked with the Parent and child parking only, which outnumber the dedicated disabled parking spaces by about five to one.
Another wily ploy by the MAXINE sex. Wait about a year or sooner, have a baby and have privileged parking which has taken years and disablement for me to get.
How do they do it? Perhaps they are the anti-matter that the scientists have been looking for or is it that they live in a parallel universe.
Whatever it is, I am going to have the sides of my car reinforced because one day one of them is just going to have the eyelash in the wrong location and I might be there.
I would welcome your comments, male or MAD MAXINE, cos I have lived through adversity before.
(OOOOH WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW??????????? PLEASE IGNORE THE LAST SENTENCE)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)