Have you seen the film 'The mirror cracked'?
It does not matter whether you have or have not as this blog is not about it at all.
My drama is about 'The toilet seat cracked'.Perhaps more of a 'Bog Story' rather than a blog.
On Friday night our beloved close intimate friend of about seven years decided enough was enough and it cracked through one side fortunately without injury to either of it's most frequent customers.
A hasty repair was made using brown sticky tape so as it would not be in pain during the night. By that, perhaps I should say, so it could not cause injury to any of its visitors during the hours of darkness.
So, up early Saturday to go furniture hunting for a replacement.
Now, I should explain to anyone who has not visited our throne, that it was a silver sparkly one which when the light played on it made it shimmer and look really pretty!!!!
We decided that the best place to obtain a replacement was were the first one came from and we proceeded with great expectations to the place which sells
Barbecues and
Quite a lot of other stuff.
After touring the display of some twelve or fifteen throne seats and co-opting the help of a charming assistant it was to our dismay that we learnt that 'Sparkly ones were no longer available' So time for a change of design. What would it be? Wood? No. Patterned? No.Coloured? No.Oval hole? Not sure. Square top? Maybe.Lip over, chrome hinges, concealed hinges, Two years guarantee, £8 or £59. What a choice.
After a desperate period of discussion, we chose a White, standard hole, lip over with cushion closing seat mechanism which was on display for £29. Yes, that's the one but then the horrible news that the 'Computer says NO because they have run out of stock and these are not expected in for at least ten days.
Fearing for our lives, no, well you know what I mean, we decided to continue the search for something along the same lines and there it was. A higher quality item with the same vital statistics as the last one but more expensive---£35. We bit the bullet and came out of the store with our nice new throne seat all boxed up in an unopened box.
Quick, get home and fix it. No, let's do some more shopping, have a drink and then quickly fix the new seat before it becomes too urgent.
Home at last. Unbolt the old seat!! Well no, because of corrosion spend the next ten minutes struggling to cut of the old bolts with a hacksaw whilst lying on my back. Open the box and let's get the new beautiful seat fitted. Open the heat sealed polythene bag of fittings and..................Where are the hinge blocks?.
So, lets have a quick check on the state of play. No toilet seat fitted, Old one now in pieces, New one cannot be fitted, Both parties getting a bit worried after the drinks earlier.
OK, lets see how good the Store will be to us on this Easter weekend if we plead old age , no transport and desperate. Answer-- bring it back and we will change it-----can I speak to the Manager-------hold on-----------he has gone off duty--------can I speak to the next person in charge---------will you hold----------------explain the situation again and can someone bring the fittings over to me---------no the next delivery is Tuesday---------------is there not some nice Good Samaritan coming my way--------will ring you back--------------------------yes one of the showroom staff will drop it in to you---------Thank you very much for your help.
Knock on the door and a very very very nice man called Colin comes in with a new box which we empty so that the old seat and such fittings that were there can be taken back by Colin that very very nice man.
Right, lets fix the new seat. Two washers are missing from the pack but I can overcome that.
Fix the se__a_________t. Wrong seat possibly one from their cheapest range but it is in white..
Lets give up until Tuesday or perhaps if we are very lucky Easter Monday to sort this mess out. Up until then it is only a short walk to next door or a short ride to the Public Toilets in the Square.
In the meantime watch what we eat and drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps there will be a follow up to this blog. Who knows until then.
