I was going to write about the joys of getting old and then I read the most depressing magazine that has ever been printed.It is a publication especially aimed at persons in their later years and is reputed to be the UK's best selling monthly magazine giving tips and advise for us to enjoy our retirement with ease and comfort.
A quick flip through will reveal all sorts of ads for useful things to buy and use.
Now, anyone who knows me will be aware that I have an active brain encapsulated in a body which does at times give up operating in the way it is intended to work.When this happens, further brain activity normally reveals another way to approach the task without resorting to purchasing an item to help you carry out the job.
When you read this ,you must remember that most people of our age do not have a surplus disposable income.What we do have helps to provide a means of disposal when the end time comes.
'Kiss goodbye to your dentures in one day' reads the headlines in one advert. Great! No more spending eons cutting up your food into pieces so small that a mouse would need two pieces to make a good mouthful.
No more eating a cold meal after expending more energy cutting it up than what you are going to obtain by eating the food you have cut up Great! Cost £8995 as a Special Readers Offer.
Showers, baths, Kitchens, chairs, shoes and hearing aids. All the adverts are there to help you in your twilight years even to Mobility aids to help you down to the bank to arrange the finance for these absolute essentials when you reach the age when your head does not have teeth, you cannot hear and you cannot see. But you still have an active brain!!!!!
All very boring but then you come to the interesting adverts like Discreet Pants, Erectile Dysfunction, Dating, more dentures,Diabetes, diets and Supergreen Smoothies every morning and other thing not normally talked about.
By this time you are so worried about what could be waiting around the corner in the next few months you begin to wish you had not started to read the damned magazine in the first place.
But still you soldier on and start reading the actual contents that someone has written which should be interesting without the need to spend money and will be able to help you keep pace with normal life in the 21st century. Does it get better? No.
I am now so depressed that I start to think about all you people out there and I decide that it is not my place to pass on all the 'good' tips listed under such headings as 'Moving Occasions' (not about bodily functions), 'Pity poor footballers' (why), 'U-shaped marriages by a marital therapist' (not about new positions), A piece about Allotments (I think it is about doing the digging chores whilst sitting in your electric chair),'Use it or lose it' (I decided not to read this in case I missed the point) The cost of living longer (About how to be able to afford to buy this magazine).
Then the Letters....................enough I cry. Stop there. I realise that this blog is getting as bad as the publication being discussed.
Why should I depress you when you can spend £2.50 each month and depress yourself. I'm off to have a pint and cheer myself up by talking to some lovely young ladies.
Happy readings
